I've been slacking off. My parents will be here in two weeks and this tutorial series intended to calm their nerves still has a LOT of ground to cover. So, buckle up. We're going to be busy.
In this, the second installment of "Germany Isn't Scary (Anymore)", we will discuss the delicate art of German manners.
Let's shake handsFirst and foremost, know that Germans are obsessed with shaking hands. We, as Americans, put a lot of weight on a good handshake, but we have nothing on Germans when it comes to the sheer quantity of handshaking that goes on in a perfectly ordinary day.
Unlike Americans, who really only shake hands at first introductions or important meetings or as a form of congratulations, Germans shake hands for these occasions and also with every hello and every goodbye.
And in social situations, like at a party or at church, this greeting and farewell ritual is performed with every last person you pass so that, ideally, by the end of the event, everyone has shaken everyone else's hand twice. Also unlike Americans, the handshake is performed completely sans small talk. Germans hate small talk. They are a remarkably pragmatic folk, and small talk, for them, serves no real practical purpose. A handshake paired with and a "
Guten Tag" or "Hallo" suffices for the greeting, and, paired with an "
Auf Wiedersehen", "
Tschüss" (like "See you later"), or "Schönen Tag noch" (Have a nice rest of your day), suffices for the farewell.
I still find it interesting and amusing when I see two small groups of Germans meeting up for an outing at a bus stop. No matter what the median age of the group is, whether it's 15 or 75, they always perform this complicated little ritual of everyone shaking hands with everyone else.
It's also considered polite, when shaking hands with a couple, to shake the woman's hand first. Men, especially, tend to make an effort with this one, sometimes leaving the man's hand totally hanging there in order to go for the woman's hand first.
Have we mastered the German handshaking phenomenon? No. Not even close. In fact, it makes me kind of uncomfortable since I'm still programmed to accompany a handshake with some small talk. If I'm not prepared to offer small talk, I don't usually offer to instigate a handshake, which is probably considered rude. But I'm learning. I also like to be just a few minutes late to choir practice on Sunday mornings so they will have already started and I don't feel obligated to rake through everyone there. But I tell you this so you're prepared for the barrage of handshakes you will experience when you come to church with us.
Hug meContrary to stereotype, Germans, especially German women, are pretty big huggers. These hugs will usually accompany the hello/goodbye handshake if they're feeling particularly affectionate toward you. (I'm sure you'll get a few when you come to church with us. Our friends are pretty excited to meet you.) Hugs seem to be usually woman to woman or woman to man, and the man to man hug happens, but it's more rare. This all isn't particularly unusual, but the way they hug is a little different, and that's why I bring it up.
First, a German hug usually starts as a handshake, then one party will pull the other in and, while still holding right hands, they will embrace with their left arms. And whereas Americans, who, when engaged in a platonic embrace, tend to protect their heads and avoid any sort of face to face contact, Germans always touch cheeks when they hug, usually right cheeks. The cheek touch is more the focus of the hug that the arms or body contact. The first time this happened to me I was sort of surprised, but it's actually a very pleasant experience as Germans tend to have nice cheeks.
Lose the shoesI doubt we'll be guests in any German homes while you're here, but just in case, Germans ALWAYS remove their shoes before entering their own homes and it is expected that guests do the same. Sometimes they offer you slippers to wear called "Hausschuhe" (house shoes), but sometimes they don't, so it's a good idea, especially if it's cooler out, or if the home isn't carpeted, to wear warm socks.
And don't worry, Mom, I know you have weak arches and permafrost feet, so shoe wearing is completely permitted at our place. We're kind of like the American embassy that way.
Next up in the series: A simple survivor's guide to the German language. Stay tuned.
JEM
