Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch ...

Jasmine E. Michaelson: Soooo ... uhmmm ... hi.
American Dresdner: Well, well, well. If it isn't JEM.
JEM: Yeah, about that ...
AD: Do you have any idea how much you worried me? I had all the neighbors out looking for you! I called the police ...
JEM: You called the police? What did you tell them?
AD: Just that I hadn't heard from you in a long time and it wasn't like you and could they look into it.
JEM: Wow. I had no idea I'd upset you so much.
AD: I just knew you were dead in a ditch somewhere. Anyway, they wanted to know what our relationship was, and when I told them they told me not to abuse emergency services and hung up on me.
JEM: Well, listen, I'm really sorry.
AD: [silent, refuses to make eye contact]
JEM: C'mon! What do you want me to say?
AD: An explanation would be nice.
JEM: I guess I don't really have one. It's actually been a pretty boring couple of weeks. In fact, that's the main reason I haven't stopped by. I haven't had anything interesting to report. For the most part, it's been gray and rainy, and the Chairman of the Board has been a real taskmaster lately.
AD: Who?
JEM: AD: Oh, right, him. He's really starting to hammer a wedge between us.
JEM: Hey now, he's just a baby. He needs lots of care and love.
AD: AND I DON'T?!
JEM: Anyway, we haven't really gotten out lately because he's been sort of moody. But we've had lots of fun here at home! Here, let me show you. [removes photos from wallet]
AD: Oh, jeez. Here we go.
JEM: He rolled over for the first time:


And I finally caught him on video laughing (apparently the way I was fluffing the pillows was pretty funny):


And, when he's not freaking out in public, he's been darn cute.

Thanks for the outfit, Grandma M.

But I can see your eyes are glazing over.
AD: No, no! Please keep going!
JEM: Are you being sarcastic? Because I will keep going, if you want.
AD: I was being sarcastic.
JEM: Oh.
AD: There must've been something interesting that happened. Something with a little drama and intrigue. Something that will hold our two remaining readers.
JEM: Well, today I polished off my last jar of Jif Crunchy Peanut Butter, but fortunately I recently discovered a German peanut butter that's relatively edible. That was pretty exciting.
AD: You know what? Why don't you just disappear again for a little while.
JEM: You don't mean that.
AD: Oh, I do. I really do.