Right before Christmas Jake and I celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. And I know what you're thinking, and the answer is yes, we were just out of junior high school when we tied the knot. Kidding! But actually only just barely. I was 19, and he was 22. Which sounds terrifying now, but back then — OK, it was pretty terrifying back then, too. But when something's right, it's right. Waiting around won't change that. And this was right.
I wouldn't say getting married so young was a breeze for either of us, but tying yourself to someone else before you're really done growing up has its advantages. Jake and I have grown up together, side by side, and we've developed what I think is a pretty fantastic symbiotic relationship that wouldn't have been possible had we waited until we were "fully formed". We molded to each other. Our interests and habits melded and meshed and organically materialized until it was hard to distinguish where and with whom they started. I can't imagine myself or my life without Jake. Nor would I ever want to. Life with him is fun and exciting and enriching and fascinating and cozy — everything I've ever wanted my life to be. I count myself very lucky to love and be loved by someone so incredible.
And if I can make sure Marilyn Monroe doesn't move in upstairs in the next year, I think we just might make it.
To memorialize the occasion, we went out. Alone. At night. On a date. No Jethro. No stroller. No diaper bag. (Thanks for babysitting, Antje.) And it was great.
We had dinner at the kind of goofy but really fun and historic Sophienkeller in the Old City and ate excellent German cuisine.
And strolled down moonlit cobblestone streets between palaces and cathedrals.
And we marveled at how normal this has become.
JEM
P.S. Anyone still reading this blog may also be interested in this one: selinainmemphis.blogspot.com. It's the other way around, a German girl living in America. Welcome to Bizarro World.
I love so many things about it — the food, the decorations, the Christmas markets.
Even though I don't drink alcohol, I think this tradition is awesome:
Every Christmas season Jake's professor prepares a piping hot bowl of traditional German Glühwein ("glow wine") for his group of grad students and post docs and their loved ones. I don't know the recipe, but it's got something to do with wine and spices and lighting a rum-soaked cone of sugar on fire. It smells fantastic, and I'll be honest and say as a non-drinker that of all the alcoholic beverages, this one probably tempts me the most.
But there's one German Christmas tradition that I simply cannot abide. I've tried to be tolerant these last three Christmases here, but I can take it no more. So I'm just gonna say it:
Dear Germany,
You are not supposed to open your presents on the evening of Christmas Eve. This doesn't make any sense. I've thought about this a lot, and here are my arguments:
1. Christmas Eve is great for remembering the true meaning of the holiday, reading Luke 2 with the family, and watching "It's a Wonderful Life". And also for building the suspense for Christmas to a maddening crescendo. But Christmas is the big day. It's what the whole shooting match builds up to, so why burst its bubble prematurely?
2. If I were a kid and I had to wait all day long, go to church, eat dinner, blah, blah, blah, before opening my new toys from Santa (or the Christmas Man, as you so pragmatically call him), I don't think gags and straight jackets and threats of violence would be able to keep me civil all day. Also, I think giving a kid new toys and then promptly sending them to bed is just sick.
3. And let's not forget, all of Germany is in one time zone, and nearly every household is getting a knock on the door from the Christmas Man at almost the exact same time? How does that work? Clearly this has to be an overnight affair. I mean, yeah, the Christmas Man is crazy-fast and magical, but let's apply a little rational thought here.
Other than that, you guys are doing a great job.
Love,
JEM
Needless to say, for our first Christmas all on our own, we did things the American way.
Oh, the rapture.
Here's to hoping Christmas was as delightful for you and yours, with love from me and mine.
So, in the United States we get, what? Six legal holidays? New Year's, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, right? Maybe seven, if you count Columbus Day, which isn't a legal holiday everywhere. I say this just for reference, because now I give you a list of the legal holidays we celebrate here in the state of Sachsen:
New Year's Day Good Friday Easter Monday Labor Day Ascension Whit Monday Day of German Unity Reformation Day Penance Day Christmas St. Stephen's Day
Unfortunately we don't live in Bavaria, which is predominantly Catholic and, as a result, gets four holidays we don't get because everybody here is Lutheran — Epiphany, Corpus Christi, Assumption Day, and All Saints Day. I mention this just because last Wednesday was Penance Day, a Protestant holiday celebrated only in Sachsen. And once again I was struck with how strange these holidays are to me. With the exception of New Year's, Christmas, and Day of German Unity, nothing really happens on these holidays. There don't seem to be any widely participated in traditions associated with them, I guess because they're mostly religious holidays in a country where people aren't particularly religious anymore. Mostly all that happens is that the city just shuts down. And I don't mean like the U.S. on Labor Day. I mean it really shuts down. Not just banks and offices and schools. Every retail establishment closes — shopping malls and grocery stores and pharmacies. As far as I've been able to tell, the only things that stay open are gas stations and some restaurants and sometimes museums. The city turns into a ghost town. Traffic vaporizes, public transit runs a skeleton operation.
Almost every one of these holidays came as a shock to me our first year here. I would walk to the grocery store for milk only to find the place dark and locked. I think once Jake actually went into work to find his lab completely abandoned. Once we got over the frustration of these sneak attack holidays, Jake and I usually found ourselves at a loss as to how to spend a free day when nothing's open. When I was teaching English I often asked my students how they spent holidays like Penance Day. "What do you do," I'd say, "when everything is shut down?" They'd shrug like the question was completely irrelevant and say things like, "sleep" or "eat" or "work in my garden".
I suppose for them passing a day in a sleeping city is no big deal, because in Germany the same thing happens every Sunday. I was surprised to come here and learn that grocery stores close on Sundays, but for me as a Mormon, it didn't change my lifestyle. In our church we are instructed to "keep the Sabbath day holy", and while there is a good deal of personal interpretation allowed for this commandment, some things are specifically discouraged, like working and shopping or conducting business. Coming here from Utah, where one could sit down in the middle of Main Street on a Sunday morning and play a game of solitaire without ever having to pick up the game to dodge a car, wasn't a huge adjustment.
But the holiday thing has been a tough one to wrap my capitalist brain around. I'm used to being able to go bowling on Thanksgiving or to the movies on Christmas. But I wasn't always just on the consumer end, either. I missed the fireworks two Independence Days in a row because I had to work making take-out pizzas for the people who were watching the fireworks. That's the give and take of capitalism, right? So every time one of these obscure holidays pops up, I find myself looking at all the darkened shops and all the strolling people with nothing to do, and I inevitably think, "Doesn't anybody here want to make money?!" And the answer I imagine the country shouting back is still annoying to me, but increasingly sensible: "Not as much as we want a day off!"
Maybe Americans could afford to sacrifice a little convenience and entertainment in order to take an occasional day and just breathe. Of course, that would mean remembering to buy ice before Thanksgiving. And the odds of that happening are pretty slim.
I can't believe it's already been a year since Jethro was born, but at the same time I can't believe I've only known him for one year. We've become a pretty good team these last 365 days. He's shaped up to be quite the sidekick. Or am I the sidekick?
At any rate, happy birthday, little buddy! I love you. And I'm excited to see how you grow and change, but no hurry, OK? You're pretty cool just the way you are, too.
The thought has crossed my mind before that Jake has many of the traits of an international super-villain — the cold, analytical mind, the staggering intellect, the obsessive nature, the piercing eyes, and that rare combination of lone wolf instincts and leader-of-men talents.
But never have I been more suspicious than when he told me, in all seriousness, that he'd be taking the night train to Heidelberg for a mandatory meeting of the Alliance.
I'll be keeping my eyes open for lapel-less suits and an insatiable lust for power.
Does anybody else think this is sort of a weird toy? I mean, what 4-year-old doesn't want to play with a smiling, John Denver-coiffed police man who is permanently handcuffed to a raging, tattooed anarchist? The more I look at it, I'm not even sure the policeman is the one in charge of the situation. I think the anarchist and his Maglite might actually be holding the policeman hostage. It could go either way. I think I might get it just to see how this thing plays out.
American Dresdner: JEM, could I have a word with you? Jasmine E. Michaelson: Yeah, sure. AD: In the conference room? Alone? JEM: We have a conference room? AD:(closes door solemnly) JEM, I'm going to cut to the chase here. Your performance lately has been disappointing to say the least. I know you had your little vacation in the U.S. for three weeks, was it? JEM: Yeah. AD: Wowsers! Better not get used to that! Anyway, my point is, you've been back for over a month and posted here only once. Now, I consider myself a patient person, but when your performance reflects on me and my reputation, I have to address it. And as much as I hate to resort to threats, I'm afraid I have to tell you that if you aren't up to this anymore, I'm going to have to let you go and find someone else who is. JEM: Wait — what? AD: Now let's not get emotional. JEM: Emotional? AD, are you seriously threatening to fire me? AD: Please don't make a scene. No one's firing anyone yet. JEM: But this is MY blog! I MADE you! You can't fire me, you little ingrate! Maybe I'll fire YOU! How about that! AD: Clearly you're under some emotional duress. JEM: Yeah, I'm under some emotional duress! I've been sick for a week along with Jethro and Jake, and you know what I learned? MAMA DON'T GET NO SICK DAYS! I spent three days up to my elbows in snot and spit — and only half of it was mine. And I'm just so tired. (bursts into tears) But I love them so much, AD. Jake's such a sweet husband and Jethro's such a funny, loving little guy. Look at this:
Couldn't you just DIE!? I'm a lucky woman, AD, I really am. (wipes tears) I should also mention here that I quit nursing Jethro entirely about a month and a half ago and that has triggered some hormonal changes I wasn't anticipating. (laughs hysterically) AD: OK. No need to get into your lady issues here. Is there anything else you'd like to disclose regarding your poor work performance? JEM: Well, I had to give a talk last week in church, and about a month before that Jake and I gave a fireside to a church group. And you have to realize that whenever I have to do things like this in German, it takes at least four times as long to prepare as it would in English, mostly working out strange vocabulary words and verb constructions I manage to avoid most of the time. AD: OK, noted. Anything else? JEM: Yes. I also recently lost a significant amount of sleep after watching "Let the Right One In", a Swedish vampire movie that BLEW MY MIND.
Best vampire movie ever, as far as I'm concerned. Seriously scary but also strangely sweet and innocent. Anyway, my brain wouldn't turn off for hours after I went to bed. I eventually had to hypnotize myself to go to sleep. AD: You what? JEM: You count backwards from 100 with the singular thought that by the time you reach 1 you will be relaxed, not afraid, confident ... whatever you need at the moment. It doesn't always work. You have to really focus. Jake read about it in a book and taught it to me. He's a lot better at it than I am. My mind wanders too much, but it does often help me go to sleep when I'm really keyed up. AD: Fascinating. Are there any other lame excuses that you'd like to give me for being such a slacker? JEM: No. I think that's all I've got. But I would like to share something interesting. AD: Shoot. JEM: You remember my crippling phobia of slugs? Well, Jake decided a couple of weeks ago that it was time to address my fear, and he gave a Family Home Evening lesson on slugs. (We usually have pretty unorthodox home evening lessons.) We learned about the anatomy and lifestyle of the slug. Did you know that the black hole on one side of the slug's mantle is a single nostril? I always thought some joker was giving them all cigarette burns on the same place.
Anyway, the most fascinating part of the lesson was this video of slugs mating. Yeah, it's gross, but it's also actually quite spectacular. I had no idea slugs were capable of such an intricate and elaborate ritual. It's kind of (and I can't believe I'm saying this) beautiful. And I have to say that it actually did give me a greater appreciation of slugs. Not that I'm planning to take one on as a pet or anything.
AD: I think I could have done without seeing that, but I'm glad it helped you. Now, as for that post on your reverse culture shock that you promised a month ago? JEM: Yeah, I know. I'm working on it. AD: Can we expect this sometime before CHRISTMAS? JEM: Yes, definitely before Christmas. I can promise you that. Hey, AD? AD: Yes? JEM: You wouldn't really replace me, right? I mean, sure, I've had my ups and downs here, but I do OK, right? And we're old friends, you know? You wouldn't turn out a friend, right? AD: Right ... (sweeps applicant files into a drawer while faking a sneeze)
I'm from Idaho, but I live in Dresden, Germany. In a former life I was a journalist. I'm married to a mad scientist from Las Vegas named Jake, who is working on his Ph.D. here in computational biology. We have a baby boy named Jethro. We are Mormons fascinated by various things. This blog is about our lives, with particular emphasis on life in Germany through the eyes of an American. Enjoy your stay.
And strolled down moonlit cobblestone streets between palaces and cathedrals.
