Grandma Valene: The Exclusive Interview

Jethro Tongue from Jasmine Michaelson on Vimeo.

American Dresdner: You fly back to America tomorrow. How do you feel about that?
Valene M. Erickson: (biting fingernails) OK. I'm ready to go home. I miss Val. I miss my little hubby.
AD: Well, OK, but who's going to change Jethro's diapers now?
VME: I believe that's pretty obvious.
AD: I'm afraid I don't follow. You've been in Dresden for two and a half weeks now. How have you spent your time?
VME: Sitting in Jake's chair rocking Jethro. One night we chased Jake through the Dresden Christmas Market. It was all I could do to keep up with him and look at the sights.
AD: That's not the story I heard from JEM.
VME: Oh really?
AD: Yeah. She said she needed a leash for you. Anything else?
VME: Once we got rid of Jake, Jaz and Jethro and I went to that one store.
AD: Ah, yes. That one store. I love that one store.
VME: My biggest complaint was Jaz and Jake have seen everything and we had Jethro, so even walking through a store I felt like we were in a hurry.
AD: Sorry about that. But as I recall, you said you weren't here to shop.
VME: Touché.
AD: Let's talk about Jethro. How does he hold up in real life?
VME: Basically, he's softer and cuter than any pet or stuffed animal you could ever own.
AD: But, if my information is correct, you hate pets and own no stuffed animals.
VME: Yes, this is true, I'm just saying that for others who are in love with their stupid dogs.
AD: What you're getting at, is that he's snuggly. Am I right?
VME: He has exceeded all my expectations.
AD: What are your favorite Jethro attributes?
VME: His little worried eyebrows. His hungry Aaron Neville vibrato cry. His ears and forehead and cheeks are very kissy. They're just crying out for kisses. His legs need to bulk up a little bit, but other than that he's perfect.
AD: I wouldn't count on the legs ever bulking up. I presume you've never seen Jake in Daisy Dukes? The man's walking around on hairy toothpicks.
VME: So is the man Jethro was named after*.
AD: Do you think your Jethro-snuggle tank has been sufficiently filled?
VME: I hope so. Because it might be a year before I get back.
AD: Many American Dresdner readers were very concerned about you after your accident last summer. How are you feeling?
VME: Getting better all the time. I'm slower than I used to be, but it's coming. I'm not as agile as a cat, like I used to be.
AD: Like you used to be? Never mind. But no walker or cane or anything, right?
VME: Right. Just a slight limp.
AD: And a metal plate in your ankle that didn't even set off the metal detectors at the airport.
VME: Yeah. Plates, screws and wire. Nothing set it off. Such a disappointment.
AD: How do you feel about what your co-workers did, raising the money to send you over here?
VME: I'm still trying to digest it. I'm overwhelmed by their generosity and kindness. I just feel like I need to repay them somehow, but I don't know how to do that, except just work my little tush off when I get home.
AD: Anything you want to tell them?
VME: Of any gift I could've been given, this was truly the best. I just really love them for doing that for me. I couldn't ask to work with better people. They really got me through this last year. I just feel so blessed to have them in my life. I don't know what I would've done without them.


* Jethro's middle name is Val, which is JEM's father's name.