Therapy Session

Jasmine E. Michaelson: (barges in) Sorry to barge in like this.
American Dresdner: (jerks awake from nap on couch) No, Mr. Hasselhoff! You're a married man!
JEM: Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. That sounds like it was a good dream.
AD: (clears throat awkwardly)
JEM: Whoa, AD. Look at this place! Where is your desk?
AD: It's still there. Just look behind the pizza boxes.
JEM: And look at you! I don't mean to be a jerk, but you look like you've gained, like, 20 pounds (9.07 kilograms for our friends on the metric system). And you've got a little something on your chin there.
AD: (wipes potato chip crumbs off face with sleeve) Well, as long as you don't mean to be a jerk.
JEM: When was the last time you were out?
AD: Stop pretending like you're here to check up on my well-being. If you cared about that you would've stuck your head in here once or twice in the last MONTH to make sure I hadn't slipped into a coma.
JEM: I'm sorry. Things have been crazy.
AD: Oh yeah, right. You're half-way out the door, aren't you? Off to sunny San Diego where you'll be American Americaner and where will that leave me, huh?
JEM: That's not true. I mean, we are leaving Germany really soon but I'm not half-way out the door. I still have so many things left that I want to post on this blog that I'm sort of overwhelmed by it. And you're right about me not coming in to check on you. I needed someone to talk to.
AD: (groans, rolls eyes, and pushes pile of dirty laundry off the couch onto the floor) Fine. Sit.
JEM: (sits and bursts into tears) You see, it snowed.
AD: That's been known to happen in Germany in mid-December.
JEM: I know, but I just wasn't ready for it. (Dabs tears with handkerchief.) I kept thinking that I'd be able to do some of my favorite Dresden things just one more time before we left, like go to the zoo or ride my bike with Jethro through Großer Garten, or play with Jethro on the tire swings in our neighborhood, things like that. But then these mountains of snow came and basically said, "OK, time's up." And now we're pretty much stuck at home because all the snow has put public transit on the fritz and getting our beastly kinderwagen through the snow is a real b---- and a half.
AD: Watch the language, children and in-laws read this blog.
JEM: Oh, that's right. Sorry children and in-laws. But we did a lot of great stuff before the snow came and I'm going to tell you about it soon. The next few nights are wide open for me because Jake has his defense on Monday and so he'll be spending every waking moment glaring at his laptop with his headphones on while incessantly stroking his beard. I expect that by Monday the beard will have been rubbed off his face entirely.
AD: Gross.
JEM: Anyway, my point is, I'll be back tomorrow for the first in a series of three FIELDTRIP!s. So change out of your sweatpants, AD! And for crying out loud clip your toenails! We're going back to work!
AD: I'll clip my toenails, but not for you.
JEM: Blog re-activity here we come!