Any combination of two or more of the following traits strongly indicate that observed tourist(s) may be German.1. Wearing glasses. Especially if the frames are excessively angular and/or brightly colored.
2. Extraordinarily well-behaved. They wait patiently at crosswalks when no cars are in sight and everyone else has crossed the street already. They also never cut in line.
3. Quiet. Unlike their Mediterranean-area European Union brothers and sisters, Germans almost never raise their voices in public. And unlike the Americans, they don't talk if they have nothing to say.
4. Wife looks like she could take her husband in a fair fight. This isn't true of all German couples, but it is apparently much more common among middle-aged to older German couples than it is among couples of the same demographic from other nations, because it was a dead giveaway for us every time.
5. Strange, short, asymmetrical hairstyles on otherwise conservative looking middle-aged women.
How to spot an American tourist
Any combination of two or more of the following traits strongly indicate that observed tourist(s) may be American.1. Wearing T-shirts.
2. Smiling with their teeth for photos. Without fail, every person we noticed smiling broadly between a camera and the Eiffel Tower was an American. Everyone else either gave a more demure closed-mouth smile, or didn't bother smiling at all.
3. Laughing loudly.
4. Wearing baseball caps.
5. Talking about people openly in front of them, assuming (usually erroneously) that the people being discussed can't understand English.
JEM
Hahaha! I saw a lot of obnoxious tourists in Southeast Asia. My favorite were the girls who were wearing a ridiculously scant amount of clothing. Not very considerate considering the Thai people generally swim fully clothed...
ReplyDeleteI did my best not to be among the most obnoxious of American tourists: I always wore a collared shirt, I left my Daisy Dukes at home, and I tried to be quiet. I can't do anything about my smiling teeth. It's just natural for me...
Did anyone talk loudly about you, thinking that you and Jake didn't speak English?
ReplyDeleteSometimes when we walk around Vegas, we play guess what European country that tourist is from, Eddie is really good at it!
ReplyDeletewe are silly americans. you are fun to read. i used to be in your spanish/or german (i can't remember which) class at utah state. all of this is random and unimportant, but i hope you don't mind if i add you to my daily reads.
ReplyDeleteAh, you're blog is like a breath of fresh air. Love it. I am jealous of your life. If you ever want to trade, let me know...
ReplyDeleteI think you could add white socks to the American Tourist side. I remember scouting for socks. But I loved your list!
ReplyDeleteTo chelsea: Sadly, no. I was hoping for it, but it never happened.
ReplyDeleteTo theriddle: That's what Jake says, but I've seen more white socks living in Germany, in particular, paired with Birkenstocks, than I think I ever saw in the States, so I have to respectfully disagree there.
I only take issue with one... do you know how many Germans cut in front of us while we were there? Too, too many to count. I almost had to get in my getto American voice, "oh no you di-unt" ... but I was always too scared.
ReplyDeleteFREAK OUT about the bat! I don't do anything that crawls, flies, jumps, lunges, moves, or anything like that in my living space. If you are not a person or a pet, and I didn't bring you into my quarters, you're probably not going to make it out alive. Although, I wouldn't quite know what to do with that. And I never am the deliverer of death--I make Ryan do it. I'm too chicken.
ReplyDeleteTo Laura: Were you dawdling? Because Germans do not take kindly to dawdling.
ReplyDelete